


love or whatever

by lulla_lunekjaer



Category: Twelfth Grade (or Whatever) (Web Series)
Genre: Anyway I love you and more coherent fic is coming soon, F/F, I Love You, I watched the whole thing and ITS SO GOOD, Merry Christmas Rain, i'm such a multishipper i ship everything in this entire show I can't, idek what this is but merry christmas, introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-20 16:32:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13150584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lulla_lunekjaer/pseuds/lulla_lunekjaer
Summary: Viola and Liv and being in love and stuff. You know. The usual.





	love or whatever

**Author's Note:**

  * For [smolqueernerds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolqueernerds/gifts).



> MERRY CHRISTMAS RAIN, LIGHT OF MY SCREEN AND LIFE, PURVEYOR OF ALL THINGS QUEER AND EXCELLENT, AND, ESPECIALLY NOTING THAT THIS IS ABOUT LOVE, MY PHILIA

“. . . Cesario, come;

For so you shall be, while you are a man;

But when in other habits you are seen,

Orsino's mistress and his fancy's queen.”

Duke Orsino

Twelfth Night V.i.408-411

 

The thing is, though, that Viola doesn’t take up different habits. She - and it is still she, at least for now - likes Sebastian’s baggy plaid flannels that she rolls up the sleeves on, and the short hair that she doesn’t have to brush one hundred times every night, and the pants with  _ pockets _ , Viola would have killed for pockets like those before. The binder was hard, especially at first, but there are days - more and more often, now - where it feels  _ right.  _ She wears dresses when she wants, and heels sometimes (a bad idea. She almost sprained her ankle right before the first game of the season. Instead, she fell on Oren, who, as it turns out, is a very good pillow), and yet. She doesn’t change. The person she had become as Sam was just also Viola now. 

_ Demigirl, _ Sebastian had said, and Viola is more and more inclined to think that he was right. 

_ Gender is weird _ , she said to Liv, a few weeks after they started dating, and Liv had given her that little smile and those eyes that mean  _ yes, and I don’t totally get it, but I support you and I love you _ . Viola thinks she must be fluent in Olivia by now. 

Liv is perhaps the strongest person she’s ever known. She doesn’t think anything will match what she felt when Olivia told her that she had gone to see a movie, except if it was their first movie (date!!!) together.  _ Hidden Figures _ was amazing, both cinematographically and thematically. Viola took mental notes on the math to give to Oren later. They had held hands through the movie, out into the street and to where Maria was waiting with the car to pick them up. 

That didn’t mean that Liv’s agoraphobia or anxiety were gone, though. As she had once remarked in a video, being in a relationship wouldn’t magically cure anything about her. Sometimes it helped, having someone to hold when the crowds got to be too much, someone who would make sure she got home safely if she had a panic attack. But there were still days where she couldn’t leave her house, her room, her bed.

Once Viola had gone to see her and she couldn’t even let her in. Too much, too many people. She had locked the door. Control, even over this miniscule detail of her life. She had assumed that Viola had gone home.  _ No one wants to hang around when their stupid fucking girlfriend can’t even get up the courage to leave her fucking room, _ she thought to herself, picking at her covers.

When Liv finally felt like she could open the door, there was Viola.

“Um, hi, Tammy said I could stay so - yeah, I did.” She smiled sheepishly in that way of hers up at Liv. Liv could only stare at Viola. 

_ Oh my god, _ she thought,  _ I am so in love with her. _

Viola’s in love with Liv too. When she thinks about it, she could see it from the beginning, when Liv gave her the ring. It seemed weird at the time, and kind of creepy, and set off her too-much-romance-too-quickly sensors, but it also felt right. It felt like a beginning. She knew it for real, she thinks, when she called Liv after failing a test (frailty, thy name is faith in math skills after an all nighter) and cries a little, and they talk into the night (again, Viola should really get some sleep, but a beautiful girl is on the other end of the line and that’s more important to her than sleep). 

They don’t say it, not yet, not in so many words. There will be time for that, later, when they’ve worked through what it is between them, but it’s there. It’s there.

 

“Doubt thou the stars are fire;

Doubt that the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar’

But never doubt I love.”

Hamlet to Ophelia in a letter

Hamlet II.ii.124-127


End file.
